Media Junky

For years I was a celebrity gossip junky.  I woke up in the morning and went through the routine of, Facebook, Perez Hilton, coffee, cigarette, shower........  If there was something going on with anyone famous at any one time, I knew about it.  I had to know about it.... I read Perez's blog like it was a newspaper with the most important information that could possibly exist.  After a while I started to notice how Perez liked to play favorites, and was especially mean and nasty to the folks he didn't like.  Miley held her head the wrong way and inspired a 100 word blog on how slutty this 16 year old is.  Or Lindsey was holding a glass of clear liquid with ice in it, it HAD to be vodka! O! M! G!  No way! Everyone stop and get your rotten veggies and throw them at these girls who have been whored out by their parents.....  I kept on reading his dribble for a whole year after discovering how awful of a person he was.... because I still wanted to know what Britney Spears was doing, who was dying, who was checking into rehab, who was checking out, blah blah blah...  I was hooked and Perez was my dealer.  Slowly I started envisioning myself starting a blog of my own that was all about gossip bloggers and columnists and the effed up shit they got themselves into.  I decided that I wanted to dig up their pasts and sit in their driveways for hours on end with a camera and 50 of my colleagues.  I wanted to stand in front of Perez's car and flash lights at him when he was trying to get his morning coffee.  I wanted to pick apart every outfit he ever wore and make him feel like he made all of those other celebrities feel.  But I had to change my mind when I realized just how much I wanted to be NOTHING like him.  I want to be a decent human being who didn't get off by getting paid to talk trash about people.
Please do not get me wrong here, because I do not "feel sorry" for celebrities.  I feel sorry for our current situation.  I went to acting school.  I wanted to be a "star".  That was my dream from when I was a little girl until I got to Hollywood.  The kind of "star" I wanted to be, no longer exists.  Celebrities are not supposed to be role models.  Whoever came up with that idea is soft in the head.  Actors are people who make a living on pretending to be other people.  One HAS to be emotionally unstable to be able to do something like that.  They are people who have to access emotions they have never had before.  Up until the late 90's only the biggest scandals in Hollywood were plastered all over the news, today its about the fact that Jessica Simpson found a wrinkle LITERALLY.   What I am trying to say is that maybe if we stop caring about Mel's latest rant and start caring about our own lives, or real issues that actually effect us, maybe, just maybe, the world can start to become a better place........

When Filterless is bad

 
I know I gave the blog a break for a while.  Shit was getting deep over here in my world and I really did not want to have an outlet to bitch or air my issues with people who are close to me in such an open environment.  I write to make myself feel better.  I write to help me work through  my issues.  But the last few months have been a little too much for me to share with the inter web society.  All that craziness I kind of came out flipped.  a few months ago my career was on its way up and I loved my job.  My social/love life was, however, massively suffering.  I had "dates", I had guys I was "talking too", but either I liked them more then they liked me, vice verse, or we liked each other just fine but couldn't seem to make it off the runway.  I guess now that I am more at peace with what is happening in my life I can get back to ranting and raving about things that piss off about the world, and share my opinion about the things that are worth having an opinion about.  Doing all of this without making people feel uncomfortable about knowing just a little too much about my personal relationships. ;-)

Mr Hopper

I know there are many many epic roles that Dennis Hopper has embraced, but this scene is definitely my favorite. True Romance is one of my favorite movies and this scene is abso-fucking-lutely BRILLIANT. Thank you Mr. Hopper for all of the talent you shared with us. RIP.

Why people are dumb and ruin Facebook for smart people.

I know I have ranted about Facebook etiquette before, but get used to it... Its gonna happen a lot.  I would win the who's on Facebook the most contest, if there was one, and it seems like Facebook is an amplifier for assholes...

Yesterday two things happened on Facebook, that pissed me off SO much that I seriously considered letting go of FB all together.... Lets start with Douche bag scenario #1, shall we?

Last night was the Series Finale of Lost.  Not every one watches it. But just because YOU don't watch it, does not mean the show as bad.  Nor does it mean that the people who actually do enjoy it are losers.  Get the fuck over yourself. 

Yesterday, around 3 pm  a certain "LA" guy (and he's so fucking "LA") Posted a status that was essentially giving away the ending of Lost.  Now in the end it was a hoax and NOT the ending of Lost, which I was pretty sure of, because his version of the ending of Lost was pretty much lame and lacking any creative thought, but still...his hoax was frustrating and annoying.  I just don't see what is funny about publicizing a fake ending to a TV show, movie, or book.  I just see it as you blowing yourself up as a complete Douche bag.  and while this guy is actually (no joke) a professional "Hoaxster"  I still thought this one was a pretty rude and obnoxious joke.

Now, the next Facebook miss-hap is much worse.  It was a personal attack by someone I was actually once FRIENDS with. Here is what this asshole posted on my wall: "Dear people who still watch lost...GET A LIFE! How many freaking seasons can people spend getting off, then back on, then back off, then back on, then back off, then back on and island! I figured out 9/10's of the ENTIRE show's plot (I'm talking ALL the seasons) in about 5 minutes of watching 2 episodes. Move on!"

Great.  That's his opinion.  Fine. I really don't give a fuck. If it was his status I wouldn't give 2 shits about his opinion. but he posted it ON MY FUCKING WALL.  I have a life.  I have a very fucking good life.  I have a great career.  I have amazing friends and family.  I am not fat or ugly.  I own my own car, and my cat thinks I am just about the coolest thing ever... oh and I watch fucking TV.  Not all the time. but I watch TV. That, in NO way means I need to get a life, and I do NOT appreciate being told that on my fucking Facebook wall you piece of shit  So if you think My Lost status updates are annoying, or you really feel that I need to get a life, then fucking delete me from your friends list.  Do not publicly insult me and then claim it was a "joke" cause its not funny.  Its just rude.  RUDE.  I do not like people like that and really don't need them in my life.

Your Single Friend

So this is going to be a touchy subject But I have been battling with it for about 16 hours now and I have come to the conclusion that I have to write it.  I ask that no one take offense to this and read it with an open mind instead of getting defensive, I will be presenting both sides, because I have been on both sides.  I am not attacking anyone, I am merely pointing out behaviors that I have recently become acutely aware of.
Last night, on one of my new favorite sitcoms, Cougar Town, a new couple and their group of friends struggled to inform their last standing single friend of their relationship.  It was extremely interesting to watch this play out, as I happen to be the last standing single one in my group of friends and have really had my back up about it lately.  The show helped me see both sides.
While out to dinner with my friends, I attacked a friend who pretty obviously needed reassurance and an ear.  I did it because in that moment I thought her freaking out about an obviously good thing in her new relationship was extremely insensitive to me, the lonely single one.  And while yes it could be viewed as insensitive, but I would be freaking out over the exact same thing if I were in her shoes, and I would also be turning to my friends for advice and reassurance.  It is a hard situation to work through as a single person.  You want your friends to be happy, yet you have no ally, or support system remaining.  As the nonsingle person you become hurt by your single friends constant jabs and inability to just listen and be supportive.  I think it is pretty important for people to understand that when you are involved with some one and you are happy, your single friends are going to be jealous of you, and they have every right to be.  And single people need to understand that when your friends are happy in their relationship they are going to want to share that with you, and sometimes you have to let them see the "I'm happy for you side", instead of the bitter lonely side all the time.  Your single friends ARE happy for you, nobody wants to see their friends unhappy.  And even though it may seem insignificant to you, our small talk about the one off conversations we have with people of the opposite sex is all we have right now.  I think the single friend needs to work on being less sarcastic and mean and show more support of the happiness.  I think the nonsingle people need to work on not rolling their eyes at the single one and maybe try to understand why they are saying the things they are saying.... and maybe also tone done all the happy happy just a little bit. 
On a side equally important note.  Let your significant others hangout with their single friends! Don't get mad or worried every time they get together with them.. Single people are not an evil tempter just waiting for the perfect opportunity to suck your significant other back into singledom... calm down.

Is there an under ground network or something??

Now this is not something that I am currently dealing with, but if you are a female, this HAS happened to you in your life time.  There you are going through life, you have a boyfriend, and either you break up with him or he breaks up with you, whichever, and BANG! It's like the breakup heard 'round the network of all of your ex-boyfriends, ex-booty calls, guys who have had an unrequited thing for you for 25 years... ALL of them hear it and start blowing up your phone, your Facebook page, any way they can these guys are contacting you.  What is that?  How does that happen?  And it does, every time.  This is not an "I'm so cool, so many guys want me" thing.  It is a FACT.  This happens to EVERY ONE of my girlfriends, break up, and all the past guys crawl out of the woodwork. I have a theory.  Its a bad theory, and probably completely false, but it is the only conclusion I can come up with;  There is a guy code that states that if you are dating a girl, you HAVE to get the names and numbers of all the guys from her past, and you are mandated, punishable by death or castration, to inform all of these guys effective IMMEDIATELY once breakup has commenced.  Is that it?  There has to be some sort of reason for this!

Alejandro Ale-ale-janderooooo

I have had that damn song stuck in my head ALL morning and it is driving me INSANE! Lady Gaga, you've got talent, I can't deny it.  I liked Poker Face, a lot.  However I cannot say that I still enjoy your music, and you know why?  Because every time I turn on the radio, there you are! and its not just one station, its 2 or 3 at a time.  So in my 7 minute commute too and from work, chances are I am going to hear The Gaga wailing through my speakers.  You know what, when I have to choose between the Gaga and commercials, I choose freaking commercials, because I just can't stomach any more gaga!  Take a vacation woman.  Give us some time to digest your tunes.  You are the stage 5 clinger of pop music.  We all love musicians who space out their releases.  The bands and performers who make us wait until we HAVE to have more.  I feel over stuffed by Gaga, and I can no longer enjoy her.  Thanks ClearChannel, and all the powers that have caused this Lady Gaga Overdose.

Lost Prediction (spoiler free)

It's 9:08 and my TIVO is on pause, so I haven't seen anything yet.  I just wanted to give my final prediction on LOST before it's too late.  This is not, I repeat, NOT what has happened or what is definitely going to happen, just my prediction... They are all going to die.  All of them, except for Jacob and No-Name (Body Snatcher, Black Smoke, Sudo Locke, whatever you wanna call him).  Those two are going to go on, and live for the possibility of a Lost movie or something.  But the rest of our beloved stranded passengers of flight 815, yup, they are all gonna die. In "Alt World" and on the island. That's what I think. k. gotta watch now.

Hey! Thats a lie, you lying liar!

I am not gonna be posting my political views up on here too much, because honestly, I am not a fan of speaking my mind on politics.  I really don't feel that any of the knowledge that any of us have on the subject is actually true.  I firmly believe that they are ALL lying to us in one way or another.  Sad thought.  I know.  They are in the business of lying and I am sick of trying to decipher the truth from the "blah blah (you guys really buying this shit?) blah blah blah.  But I can't resist this doozy of a WTF. Here is a quote from Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal from some time in the past:

"We have learned something very important since the days that I served in Vietnam" 

But um, hey, Dick, You didn't serve IN Vietnam, did you???

"I volunteered to join the Marine Corps reserves 40 years ago"

But did you actually fight a war IN Vietnam DURING the Vietnam war?

"Now on a few occasions, I have misspoken about my service. And I regret that. And I take full responsibility. But I will not allow anyone to take a few misplaced words and impugn my record of service to our country"

Misplaced words?  Sounds like a lie-de-fucking-LIE to me.  Now if you had said, "When I served in the Vietnam WAR" that would have been misleading, but somewhat true.  Maybe you should have gone with that one, and saved yourself some face.  But by your standards I can go around saying, "In my acting days, when I was in a Broadway play...".  Um no.  No I can't, because I'd be making people think that I was actually IN a Broadway play.  Because that's what I would be fucking telling them.  When in truth I went to acting school and had to walk down Broadway every once in a while.  Just like Richard Blumenthal was in the reserve and never actually went to Vietnam during the Vietnam War.

Personally I don't really care if he fought in Vietnam or not, but I do care that he is manipulating votes by saying he did, and then not even owning up to the lie when he is caught.

(all of my quotes came from CBS, I can't guarantee they didn't lie to me: http://wcbstv.com/topstories/richard.blumenthal.vietnam.2.1701719.html )

Relentless sports fanatics....

Hi. My name is Vicki. I am an asthmatic smoker, who works out, enjoys long walks and hikes.  I play billiards in a league and enjoy a good impromptu Bocce match on occasion.  I do not, however, enjoy playing softball, football, flag football, basketball, or any other sport that involves running combined with round shaped objects.  I do not enjoy them, because I am not good at them.  It has nothing to do with laziness, it has to do with a complete lack of talent for them.  I have attempted to play these sports numerous amounts of times and I have never enjoyed myself.  So please stop asking me.  Please.  Your constant pleading will make me annoyed and cause me to avoid you.  I do not beg you weekly to join my pool team.  I do not ask you to start smoking every time I pass you in the hall.  I am aware of the fact that just because I enjoy something not everyone else will enjoy it.  Also, I have very little money, so I do not want to join a gym, as it would be a complete waste of money to do so as I have a perfectly good one at my house.  I like working out alone, so that's how I'm gonna do it.  When I say no to these requests, I am berated and called lazy and no fun.  I am LOADS of fun and really not lazy.  Please stop it. It is rude, I do not promise you I will play or join you and just not show up, I am honest and thankful that you want my company during these moments in your life, but how about we find a common interest, and do that together. Sound good? OK great. thanks for hearing me out on that one, and lets get together in a non softball kind of way.

Hola!

I am literally blogging from a mexican bar on my phone. Two months ago I couldn't even receive picture text messages let alone send them. Hello point of no return on my internet addiction! But here I am 30 minutes early for pool so what the hell, write a blog on my blackberry... So there are 7 customers at the bar and NINE yes 9 bartenders. Gotta love mexican bars! K. Time to play pool.

I watched too many chick flicks yesterday

I have a very good friend who I talk to pretty much every day.  Our topics cover pretty much everything, but mostly have to do with things that annoy us, and dealing with the opposite sex.  One day he shot me a text saying "Do girls really believe ALL of the shit guys say to them?".  My quick response was, "yes. yes we do".  But that is not entirely true.  We want to believe everything you say to us, some girls just believe it and some  girls have become jaded and don't believe a word (understandably so). I personally would prefer to believe you and be wrong, than not believe you and be wrong.  The problem I have noticed is that guys don't really want to tell us whats really going on in their heads, maybe because they don't want to hurt us, or maybe cause they want to keep us around for sex, or connections, or a free lunch.... And most girls just want companionship so we believe it when you say things like "I really dig hanging out with you".  After numerous conversations with my friend, I have come to the realization that "I really dig hanging out with you", does NOT mean "I am really into you", it actually means,  I like fucking you, but in no way do I want to talk to you everyday, introduce you to my parents, or introduce you to people as my "girlfriend".  I am not trying to sound angry about this, this is just the way you communicate, almost on an instinctual level.  And I am VERY aware that girls have their evil ways just as much as you do.  I do not hate men, I love men, I am just trying to work my way to understanding you guys, so I don't waste my time with someone who doesn't really want me around.  See when I am not into a guy, I don't say, "Hey you know what? I just don't dig you". No I do the whole fucked up, "I am going to ignore your phone calls and texts, and avoid places you would be, until you go away"  Which is probably not very nice or straight forward, but hey its just my style.  But I am big girl, so, if you are one of those guys who doesn't want to hurt me, go right ahead!  Because well I am going to figure it out eventually and then I'll be hurt AND humiliated for believing a sham, SO, I'll take the plane old blow of you not digging me and skip out on the feeling like a schmo for believing you. thanks. come back soon.

You can't stop being who you are because you are afraid

Really?  Cause I am pretty fucking sure you can. I'm sure because I do it every day.  And my 92 year old Grandmother was sure to call me out on it today.  She recalled the conversation we had on Mothers day, where I told her I hadn't retaken my exam yet because, the feeling of having to tell people I had failed was just slightly worse than the extreme disappointment of actually failing.  Her advice? Don't tell anyone I am taking the exam.  Um? Hey, Granny, have you met me? I can't keep my fucking mouth shut about anything I am doing. I talk and talk about things I know I will succeed in, but when its my heart or pride on the line? Forget it. I'm the biggest coward on the planet.  I haven't retaken the exam cause I never want to fail again, and I haven't ever put my heart on the line because its too fragile to risk. I thought I would pass that exam, because I knew the material, and I am a smart girl, and admitting to failure was just about the worst blow to my pride I have ever experienced.  But what is worse?  Putting my knowledge to a test and failing or telling someone just exactly how I feel, and having them tell me it just doesn't work for them?  I don't know.  I don't know because I have only experienced the knowledge fail.  I have never been able to put myself on the line and tell a man what I wanted from them.  In my 29 years I have never been able tell a man I needed him, but then again no man has ever told me he needed me.  Now I am here. In love, unable to tell him exactly what I want, and paralyzed in my career, from my fear of failure.  My only hope is to get over my own fear and just be me, cause from what I can see, I'm pretty fucking awesome, and I am the one who has to hang out with me every day...

Ech

I claim to be a positive person, but that is not entirely true.  I want to be a positive person, because there truly always is a positive side.  But my reflex reaction is always negative, and it drives me NUTS.  I had a beautifully positive review today and all I could think of was what wasn't said, and it took two pep talks from two people to get me out of the negative. That shouldn't be how my brain works!  I should be happy I have a job.  I should be happy my employers are thrilled with my work, but well, I'm not.   I want my dedication to be rewarded and i want my ideas to be celebrated, cause, well, i'm smart and shit.

maybe baby

I guess I should have expressed my blatant disappointment in this 2010 dating scene... I love.  I love hard, but I love.  And everyone seems to give up sooooo easily.  Come on people!  Just be honest!  Tell the one you love what you want.  Not that I am some one who has ever taken that advise, but I at least have always been honest with myself.  You are the puppet master of your own love life, and if you are not happy, it's your own fault.  I know I could find love, if i could just let one go, but i don't want to.  But that is NOT the point, the point is that people who make the commitment of marriage have forgotten the cardinal rule of "through sickness and in health, through good times and bad". um. that means, shit is gonna get hard!  people are so afraid of things not being that great so they book-it, and that is bullshit! make a commitment and stick to it!  Maybe I'll find he who will stick through my bull with me and maybe I won't, but I'm not making that promise until he'll make it with me.

Unapproachable

This morning I caught the local radio DJ's talking about "what makes a girl unapproachable".  At first I was very agreeable with the traits these men were coming up with; bad body odor, bad breath, old chipped manicure.... etc... But it kept going on and on and on; too loud, too many guys around her; too many girls around her; too quiet; too loud. The "wall-flower" is a geek.  The "Socialite" is too intimidating.  The girl with the beer gut has a bigger one than anyone else.  That one girl with the expensive purse seems like she is too good for everyone else. BLAH DE FUCKING BLAH BLAH BLAH.  It was just a laundry list of flaws/ personality traits that EVERYONE has.  And I was listening intently cause I was trying to figure out why I am still so severely single, and I was trying to find a way to "improve" myself.  But I can't improve myself by these ridiculous standards, because if I have flaws and traits that you can always turn into excuse not to approach me, and if I'm perfect, I'm too good for you, you're too pussy to approach me.  So here is how its gonna work; I'm going to go to the bar, chipped manicure and all, if you want to approach me, be a man and do it. Who gives a fuck who I am with. Stop making excuses and fucking say hi.  I am going to be me, flaws included. My manicure may not be perfect, I may not be able to shower after work.  I have a lot of guy friends, and most of my girlfriends are not single so chances are, I'm going out with the guys, and they're bringing me out cause, well, I'm fucking cool like that.  I may act quiet some nights cause i don't speak when i have nothing to say, and I may be loud some nights because when I have something to say, I say it loud.  I think that maybe you should stop telling us ladies how we should and shouldn't be, make up your childish fucking minds and decide what it is you want. just sayin.

ANTM Makes Skeletore our Role model. ew. (Spoiler Alert)

And America's Next Top Model is......................................

This freak of nature:

This chick Krista is not pretty.  Yeah girl can pose and follow direction, but photo's of her make me want to cringe.  And she is certainly not someone anyone should aspire to be! She is a negative person who eats a peanut a day and probably throws that up.  She wasn't a decent person and she seriously did not take good pictures AT ALL. My friend Mark and I hated her from day one, and each week as her photo was being called number one, our anger and confusion grew and grew.  Our only conclusion?  Andre Leon Talley, the current fashion world puppet master, digs attitude ridden, self involved, trash talkin, anorexic chicks.  And he dislikes happy go lucky, sweet, fierce looking white chicks.  Here was my pick to win, who also made it to the bitter end when skeletor beat the Brooke Shields/ Liv Tyler wolf lady:

HOT, right?  There is NO reason why this gorgeous, high spirited, positive thinker, positive motivator, shouldn't have been picked as the next Cover Girl.  What-ever Tyra, I always thought you were pretty annoying, but I think those hideous fucking Jump-suits you decided to wear all season killed your last living brain cells.

That's all.

Rainy Day Dreaming

Today is one of those rainy days that leaves me yearning for a warm blanket, hot coffee, slow melodic tunes and a love story in written form.  I want to zone out and let myself get lost in the pages of a book.  That is it.  I don't want to be bathed in this awful florescent light forcing my brain to focus on Mobile Home Park Coverage forms and Loss Run request after loss run request.   I don't want to stare at these awful 1996 CRT monitors.  I want to stare at a book!  Take my brain into a fantasy world that someone else made up for my enjoyment.  I don't want bright lights and small talk.  I want Sarah Mclachlan and 'Parisian Nights' dark roast coffee.  No I don't want to see the finger painting your 3 year old made for you.  No I don't want to hear about your ten dozed business trips. I don't give a damn about the Yankees and this cafeteria coffee is giving me an ulcer!  All I ask for is a good couch, a great cup of coffee, and a reasonably creative love story! 

Vampire Vacation. Please.

Give it up Hollywood. PLEASE. Every time I turn on the T.V. or radio I see some new Vampire story, and frankly, it is BLATANT how hungry for money you people are.  Good job! you caught on to the money making machine of Vampires. Vampire Diaries. Twilight. True Blood. Moonlight. Day Breakers. 30 Days of Night. 30 Days of Night 2.  The Vampire's Assistant. The list goes on for days... (view a bigger one here, http://suburbanvampire.blogspot.com/2008/12/vampire-films-in-2009-2010-2011-and.htm).  Now don't get me wrong I have really enjoyed a couple of these.  Twilight was a great series to read, not so much to watch so far. 30 Days of night was very well done and extremely entertaining, but I doubt the second one will work. But come on now, talk about beating a dead horse.  Vampire stories have, so far, been timeless... We have had amazing Vampire stories, well spaced out.   Bram Stoker, Buffy, Lost boys... but lately its like the Lady Gaga of the Pop Fiction genre. Give us time to like one Vampire story before you purge out 10,000 others. I can't take anymore vampire stories just cause I am sick of vampires.  Kind of like how when I was 17 and drank WAY too much Goldschlager and can no longer even smell cinnamon.  Give it a rest Hollywood.  They may live forever in fantasy, but I think you may find people are tired of those blood sucking waifs.

Lost (spoiler free)

Dear Lost,

You are wonderfully confusing, and I am having an extremely hard time seeing how you are going to finish in a way that I could approve of, cause well, I love, or, am extremely captivated by every episode, but I am trying to figure out how I want it to end.  After years of watching and hours of thinking..... I can't even figure out a possible good ending to all of this craziness.  So good luck.  I can't judge too harshly because the 'powers that be' forced you to go from 10 seasons to a measly 6, and you've had to deal with some real diva's, but you better end well.  If you don't I will never forgive ABC.  Between the whole "My So-Called Life" massive heart break and this Lost premature climax, I am having a hard time not boycotting the network all together.  Luckily they kept me holding on when they recycled Dominic Monaghan.... I heart Charlie!

Anger Ball

yup. I feel angry.  For no obvious reasons. I can't even blame the whole "womanly" thing.  Just everything today is annoying me.   Like the anticipation of my "review" that is supposed to be tomorrow, but probably won't be until next week or the week after.  Or it could be my mothers horrible habit of making jokes about how I will never move out in front of guests, and her begging me to never leave when its just us.  Hey lady, I don't want to be here, but your insanely high rent keeps me from saving money to get the fuck out.  I love you, but your jokes aren't funny.  So this is the plan for my evening, I am going to shut out the sound of your voice with a little bit of the following;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVjw_WUwJXE

& then

That should do the trick.

Don't be "that guy"

    

 

We all have our bad days.  We all complain and we all hate our jobs at one point or another, but I am getting insanely sick of the of the cube farm "Negative Nancy's".  I have a coworker that does nothing but complain.  And I mean she complains.  I have never had a conversation with this woman that involves anything but bitching and moaning.  She hates her job, she hates her life, her ex-husband, her mother, the rain, the sun EVERYTHING.  She has talked trash about every one of our coworkers to me, which of course means she has talked trash about me to other coworkers.  I think she is beginning to really ruin my work experience.  I mean I wish I didn't have to work, but I do have to work and I like to come into my workplace with a positive attitude in order to keep myself sane.  But that is a little difficult when I get out of my car, and I hear a 50 year old 'business woman' screaming "God I fucking hate this place" at 8:45 in the morning.  Secretly I want the boss to hear how she talks and fire her negative ass.  What a way to respect the people that deposit thousands of dollars into your bank account every other week.  Today's gem of a quote from her was "I told my mom I wasn't coming over for mothers day because I need a fucking break". Wow. Leave that shit for your friends, don't bring that negative ass into my cube.  We have a positivity rule in my cube (no joke) and I like it that way!

Dear FB haters F. U.

Seriously I am completely fed up with people who use their Facebook status's to alienate and hate on people.  Write a fucking blog if you want to insult people.  Let people choose to read about your silly pet peeves! Farmville haters, Fuck you especially. I play fucking farmville and I have over 50 neighbors so you must be fucking missing out on something if you don't fucking enjoy it.  Or wait..... you could fucking learn how to use facebook... Oh now there is a novel idea! You can block applications? really, NO SHIT! That's what that "block this application" next to the "accept gift" button means?  You mean I can still read your funny little TFLN posts, and block ALL farmville notifications, instead of having them blow up my news feed? Wow!  That is amazing!  Now I don't have to call a large number of my friends "fucking losers who need to get a life"?  That is great, cause I was really beginning to feel bad about all the negativity I was throwing out there in my FB community.

not wasting any time

Well that didn't take long.  I knew I'd be waking up and regretting posts eventually, but within hours? Honestly I only deleted it in embarrassment of my over use of the word "fully".  I don't fully, I do fully.  It was a confused and poorly written little post and didn't deserve a spot here on Filterless Vixen.  I would like to think that nobody is reading this so that I can be completely honest and just let it all out.  My mind is a mess and it is blocking my creativity.  I use love as an excuse not to find it, and I can't find a fluid stream of thoughts.  My heart is suffering from a nasty case of A.D.D. crossed with neglect issues.
In no way do I want to sit here and make people sad for me.  I want to work it out in my head and get over this silly funk I am in, because I like to be happy.  I like to see the bright side and share it with the world.  There is so much love out there you just have to know where to find it.  So fear not! This will not be my place to bitch and whine about how awful my life is, (well i will be bitching and whining on occasion, seriously who am I kidding?).  My intentions are to invoke all emotions!  This blog will not be defined by its emotions :) (yes I used an emoticon in my blog, feel free to judge me, I would). On that note, its time for breakfast on this rainy saturday morning.  Todays album suggestion would be The garden state sound track, and my movies suggestion is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, (yes the old school Gene Wilder one, no offense I love TIm Burton, but his did not hold a candle to the original)

My job.

My job is not the fabulous career I had imagined for myself, but I have an overactive imagination, and I rock my job.  I have this incredible skill of learning what I am supposed to be doing.  College was not my thing, so I had to excel in life.  Lately I have felt like I am failing because the boss I respect looks at me like I am a child.  I know I give more information than I should, I know that my small talk is too personal. but I am not a hider.  I spend more time with the people that share my cube than I do with anyone else and if my personal life is a problem for them, than that is their fucking problem. I am a good person.  I work to make my company do well, that is my mission.  I make a habit of working as hard as I play.  but is it time for me to go to the school of broadcasting? cause i know how to underwrite, but i can't stop talking........... (I know this shit is choppy, give me time)

I feel pretty, oh so pretty..

I love to get my hair done and dress to the nines. Its a fun, stressful, tedious, outrageously expensive experience.  The compliments come a'flowin'.  There is a great feeling of wearing a beautiful dress that makes you look like a classy and beautiful girl.  But there is nothing that compares to being at your most comfortable and being complimented.  If you know me at all, you know that sweats and a beater is my favorite outfit.  I don't wear it for any ones benefit but my own. It is the most ri-god damned-iculously comfortable outfit one could ever own, and I feel most comfortable with myself when I am fucking comfortable. I don't care that I am not super hot, I can't pull off super hot, I know I can't, I own mirrors, but I can act hot, and I can play hot, and I do it best in comfortable clothing. The dresses and hair-do's throw my psyche off and I feel like a fake.  I feel like I am putting on some silly show of who I am not.  Maybe the fact that I lack a history of girlfriends plays a big part in my obsession with sweats and hoodies, but that's what I feel like me in, and I want you to like me for me, so love it.  We will be discussing further on this topic, once I get used to this whole "blogging" thing.

The Beginning

I write. I write about myself. I write what I am feeling, and I write about how I feel about whatever subject comes to me whenever it comes. It happens less often than it used to, and I am attempting to remedy this. I lack a filter, so, be prepared for too much information, drunken rants, silly quips, music, movies, TV, the list goes on for pages and pages.

I am a pleaser. I want everyone to be happy, cause, well, I want to be happy. I have a gift/filthy habit of pointing out the silver lining, and I take offense when the people I point it out to, shoot it down.

I live my life like an anti-murderous Doc Holiday, and will be nick-naming my first born son, Doc (if i ever choose the "mom" route). I see how people look at me and there are a few different perceptions of me, and I am teaching myself that you can, and you will, see what you want, I'm just me, and I like me, and I'm stubborn as shit. So think of me as that fun time silly Vic. its your loss. if you dug a bit deeper you'd see that its your smile I am concerned about, mine comes naturally.